Lara’s World


Fortune and Cookies a Morning Sunbath

I always tell people that faith is not just hearts and flowers. Faith is an energy required to support your creative goals. Despair will hinder efforts at creation, though luckily faith outweighs despair in the final tally (cause to be honest, we all have moments of each, and one positive thought cancels out a bunch of negative ones).

Yesterday was one of the hard days for me. I was struck by fear and sadness and usually when this happens I run screaming from the urge to meditate and find peace. Overall, its a sense of constant restlessness; why aren’t things happening??? Am I just supposed to sit still? Stillness is challenging for me! I like to motor.

My current situation is such that I know I’m in a period of stillness right now, in my life. Just prior to moving forward in a big way. That presents a couple of issues. 1. I can’t WAIT!!!! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOWNOWNOWNOWNOWNOW! And 2. No one else knows this, only I do. Am I an idiot? Are they thinking I’m an idiot? Have I got any cred left?

Well, at the same time I feel these things, A. I know that it’s a time for waiting and for practicing peace, finding peace when I feel unpeaceful. Getting this practice down pat. And B. It’s a time for getting very clear on what I want and on my intention. This is hard when I just want to DO DO DO, but I get it, and grudgingly know its necessary.

When I say just prior to moving forward, I mean JUST prior: I kept getting a sense that this spring amazing opportunities are opening up for me, jumping for joy opportunities, a chance to motor. I keep getting messages about this too, as in from a medium at my (Spiritualist) church, from my own sense, from readings I do at home (quick angel card draws)…. A couple of weeks ago I spoke about this to a friend who was over to go to lunch one day. I’m teaching her how to tune in and to be honest she’s quite gifted. She felt like mid-April was going to bring big stuff.

I felt better hearing that cause it matched my own feelings, and so we headed off to the best Chinese Buffet in town ($6 includes unlimited beverages. What?!? And the food is the best around. Seriously.) So we had great food and a good time, and on the way out, knowing we can receive messages any time, anywhere, reaching into the fortune cookie bin I said (in my head, please) “Angels, give me a message about spring and moving forward.” What was the message you might ask? To be honest I don’t remember. I think I read it, but at the time I was still blown away by the fact that – well, you know how on a fortune cookie, one side has a message and one side has a word to learn in Chinese? Well, my word was “April.”

So fast forward to yesterday. We had had Chinese the night before (same place, takeout). I was walking with my dog and tuned in to the feeling in my heart, and discovered it was loneliness. I am a singer and supplement this by temping and what not. I haven’t worked outside the house since early December, and everybody else is busy, and I have relationships that are changing and perhaps falling away now, at least in the way I experience them (yeah, I guess I should have said stillness and BIG transformation). I said Guides, I’m lonely. Find me the heart friends I’m supposed to have now. The people I’m supposed to be with now. I got home and gave the dog her cookie and heated up some leftover chinese food and as I ate noticed the fortune cookies from last night on the table, untouched. I grabbed one and opened it, and should mention that it was empty and I spent some time feeling around in my mouth in case I’d eaten the fortune with the first half of the cookie, before discovering the fortune on the floor between my feet. Crunching away I leaned down and picked it up. It said “You will soon be part of many gatherings and parties.” I did have to smile, and say thank you to the kind help and love that surrounds me.

So yesterday was tough, and the moon was just full as you know, and this means for me “release”. And what release means frequently is the surfacing of old emotions to be released. Unfortunately this is like just experiencing them all over again, and they may relate to nothing now. Alternatively or perhaps in addition, if you are practicing a new way of thinking and are overwriting old thoughts with new ones that better serve you, a full moon (and the few days before and after) are a time when the old thoughts and beliefs rise up to be released. So I believe fully in the principles of abundance and the law of Attraction and am integrating this reality into my life. Integration! SUCH such fun! What are the thoughts in this case that might be rising to go? One guess (if you can’t guess, keep reading).

This morning I woke up with a heavyness around me, physical, mental, and I couldn’t even perceive the spiritual, which was interesting, but I digress. I sat up and opened my window and aimed the sun right at my third eye. Right at my head to flush out old thoughts that might be hanging around in the ether. I filled my hands with sunlight and placed them on my heart, solar plexus, my knees, feet, ankles, hips. I used hematite wands and focused on grounding as I took in the sunlight and the solar light (do you know the difference?). And gotdang it if I didn’t start to feel better. I went downstairs and let the pup out and grabbed my water, which I took out on the deck (yes, subzero, or at least it feels like) to fill with more sunlight. I gave thanks to the water and the sun. I breathed nature in deeply. And when I headed back in I said “Ok Angels. Fine. I’m scared. (I did NOT want to write that, but couldn’t seem to proceed until I did.) I don’t have any money. I have bills to pay. You keep telling me I’ll have everything I need, that there is money coming into my life. Where is it? Where is the money? Cause I don’t have it. I don’t have it and I have bills. I don’t know how or why its coming but you say it’s coming so where is it?” Etc. Well, the fortune cookies caught my eye again. But not like “select a fortune cookie for a message”, it was more like, oh, fortune cookies. There they are, so maybe I’ll eat one. I grabbed one and opened it and popped a half into my mouth. I unfurled the fortune and read: “You have an important new business development shaping up.”

Yes I did have to laugh.

For me, in order to release those fears, I have to express them. It doesn’t work to just dump new thoughts on the old and forget them. I had to bring in the new, express the old, and now I can continue in faith. It’s ok for you to feel fear, even when you are choosing something else for your life (faith, abundance, etc.) You can express it and still achieve your goals. It’s a process, and suppression doesn’t aid this process, at least for me. I’m an expressive being. I’m all about expression and learning to express after a lifetime of suppression. I’m an artist for God’s sake. As I move forward honoring the light and the dark, life starts to look more like a dance. I have an image in my mind’s eye of myself dancing along my path, using all of the shapes my body can make, using space up high and low and my ribs and hips and making each movement exactly as I feel it, not trying to make it pretty or something that it’s not. Honoring my intention and fear and love and grace and stumbles and hesitation and knowingness and pausing for direction and running full speed ahead in joy. Honoring my innate wisdom, which is evidenced in all of this. I Am That I Am. I Am All That I Am. I am a creative being, and there is no “wrong.” There is only is. And that’s all for now.

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4 Comments so far
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I am a creative person, too, a potter. I have creative lulls where not much is happening and it seems that my spirit is running leaps and bounds ahead of my life.

In these moments, I practice a form of mindfullness. Be very present to something outside myself. look at a leaf, for example. See how it defines the negative space outside itself. Hear the soft sound of wind or even silence. Our lives are gifts, and sometimes, in our ambitious longings, we can miss it. We can miss this one rare and exquisite moment of now.

NaturalHigh, thanks for your thoughtful words. What an excellent suggestion that moments when we are feeling out of synch with the now (racing ahead or lagging behind) are great moments to focus on the experience of Oneness with all of life. I love that you stopped by, and you may have inspired other posts!

Lara

Comment by naturalhigh

((( songdeva ))) Waiting IS hard, isn’t it?? (you wouldn’t happen to be an Aries, would you? LOL This whole piece felt as if I could have written it just a short while ago!) Naturalhigh gives good advice with ‘mindfulness’. I would only add the loving reminder that life seems to be lived in somewhat of a “spiral” as we cycle through birth, death and rebirth over and over again. Remember that between the Inhale and Exhale and Inhales are slight “Pauses” – those Pauses that are Pregnant with promise of New Life.

Big hugs!

Hey Grace! I’m actually a Pisces, with Scorpio rising. šŸ™‚ Ah, yes, the spiral! I’ve been experiencing a death for the past two or three years. Most recently has been an in between time before rebirth, and at the moment I feel like I’m being squeezed into the birth canal. LOL It’s great and yet it’s tough. I feel like its important to honor all of it and even in my frustration, I’m enjoying every minute.

Lara

Comment by Grace

Quite simply, I love your blog.
Love your writing!
For all its sadness and challenges at times, I read it and am inspired!
Would you mind terribly if I added you to my blogroll? (I’m going to be a presumptious little devil and do so – please let me know if you want the link removed)

– Solo xx

Hey Solo! What lovely words to wake up to today! I’m glad you’ve found some inspiration here. I’ve felt a call lately to talk about the ‘details’ of a spiritual path. Meaning that we can honor All of it…moments of faith and peace and joy, which are many, and moments when we wonder and doubt. It’s all beautiful, and I’m moved to share for the sake of people that might think they are doing it wrong because they experience a bit of fear sometimes. Or even alot of fear many times. (I use the word fear in a general sense, meaning not love and peace and joy.) A path provides you with a way back to the center, and I may feel another post coming on. šŸ™‚ Thanks for adding me to your blogroll.

Lara

Comment by Solo

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