Lara’s World


Intuition, Premonition, Dreaming, How Girls Disappear
February 16, 2007, 11:55 am
Filed under: acting, awakening, creativity, dreams, intuition, Life, metaphysical, metaphysics, singer, Spirit

Last night I dreamt that I was a young would-be model, who had been taken on by a (female) manager, and was being prepared for some sort of showcase (of talent, for prospective clients). I remember being so relieved that someone in the know was guiding my career, and feeling that things were really going to start moving ahead for me…I was on my way. We went shopping, and this manager was picking out clothes that I felt were weird and kind of dowdy in some cases. The clothes would not have flattered me, or shown me off in the best way possible for my form. For example, there was a multi-weird-colored open work granny square vest (pull over). I remember in the dream I was standing in the fitting room thinking, trying to be open minded, how could this work? Over a long skirt and silk blouse with tall boots? It still was not going to have me stand out in a good way in this showcase. I was hesitant to express my concerns to this woman…I didn’t want to offend her and seem to be full of myself. Before I could address this issue it was time to leave for a dinner that was part of this whole affair, and the last thing I remember is being in an unfamiliar car by myself, preparing to start it up and get on my way (to the dinner).

Any thoughts?

Recently, in real life, I ran into an old acquaintance at the Post Office. I noticed her from the corner of my eye, and realized I knew her. She’d come up to stand behind me at the counter, which is unusual because she hadn’t been called yet and there are three people manning the counter, so presumably she needed to see the one who was helping me. Anyway, this is probably why I noticed her. Twenty-four inches away from me and she didn’t notice me. Anyway, as I recognized her, I felt (energetically) my arms go around her in comfort. And so I gave her a big hug. There was sadness just emanating from her, I guess. I had a chance to chat with her outside and get a quick version of recent events in her life. I should offer some back story here. She was a single mom of three with at least two dads represented. In 2004 (the last time we’d really hung out) during one of the famous Red Sox post season games, I was at her house to watch with a mutual friend and friend’s boyfriend and son and daughter, and with the woman in question and her new fiance. She was happy, they were old friends and were newly engaged. He was clean-cut and healthy looking, an Irish (American) boy with lots of brothers. He told us the story of how he used to be addicted to coke and that night, from his behavior I could tell that this man’s troubles weren’t over. That’s not to say I felt he was still on coke, but I just knew that this was a man in crisis somehow. That if he wasn’t using right then, he’d be doing so before long. The way I felt it was that he had the personality and energy of an addict.

Fast forward to now, and the quick version she told me before we parted was that the now-husband had started drinking, that she’d kicked him out, that he’d come back and started drinking again. One of her kids was upset and went to talk to a guidance counselor which got DSS involved, and now husband is not allowed back, and in addition, the house they bought together is now going into foreclosure. Things have, as they say, hit the fan. I mean, yikes. Things had been tough for her before, on her own with kids, but never this bad, that I knew of.

It’s not a satisfying feeling to get a heads up on a situation like this and then see it play out somewhat the way you’d expected. I guess I’d been working with intuitive arts long enough in 2004 to know I didn’t need to butt in back then. Her life, her choices. And I know enough to know now its not my fault that things happened the way they did.

Growing up I think I had the rep of being kind of a know it all. I knew what people needed to know and do, and couldn’t understand why they didn’t listen, and instead ran ahead into troubles they could have avoided. It was frustrating to say the least, and I think my warnings were designed to save myself pain to an extent…I’m a serious empath, which means I can feel what EVERYONE around me is feeling, and therefore it was painful for me to feel their pain when things went wrong. Perfect solution to simply prevent bad stuff before it went wrong, since I also had a habit of taking on others’ pain, out of compassion and out of wanting to take it away from them. Everbody must be Happy. Now.

A year or two ago my mom said to me, in one of her occasional moments of spiritual lucidity, It must be frustrating to know things and have people ignore what you say. Very true!!! It’s like yelling into a void. Or into a crowd on a city sidewalk, and no one hears you. Sounds kind of like a bad dream.

However, it’s also frustrating if I know things and make the world my business, and try to manage everyone’s lives. I can not stop the world from hurting, and in fact, it’s not meant to be that way anyway. Surprise.

Somewhere I got the idea that if I could just fix everyone else, then I could finally relax and manage my own life. I think a lot of women get this idea. The problem is, when you finally look up and decide to live your own life, it’s hard to remember what it was supposed to be like in the first place. Julia Cameron, in The Artist’s Way, talks about “filling the well.” So important! To nurture yourself before you try to do for others. When you do it in this order, you have enough to give to others without running yourself dry. This issue came up time and again when I was doing readings for other women…it’s a cultural and gender-ical phenomenon. We put others first and lose ourselves. We are nice, and we try not to hurt feelings (much like in my dream, paragraph one).

So for the past few years I’ve been reworking this misguided notion that I needed to save and prevent any kind of pain for others. It wasn’t completely conscious, I mean, I didn’t get up in the morning and put on a mental Superwoman cape on my way out the door. It was just how I was in the world. Working by this precept, I morphed into Common Sense, Tell It Like It Is, Give Advice, Lara Will Know What to Do Girl. Argh.

My true nature is romantic, dreaming, singing, painting, playing, frolicking, idealist, laughing, gypsy, world-traveling, language learning, erotic, experiential, Pisces, hiding, flirting, backyard tea party, spontaneous, instant in love and right back out girl. I will need to be reeled in by a very grounded man, maybe a Taurus, who will no doubt need to proclaim his undying love and then wait while I run screaming and then peek at him from behind a big tree for a couple of years. I don’t want to be the rock. I have always been the rock and this is not my true nature. With the right rock, I can fly unfettered and land again safely, enabling me to fly even higher. And he has to not only not mind, but also to thrive on this.

So how did we get into romance? Well, it’s another place girls can disappear. Pisces-es are mutable and capable of being everything to everybody. We are secretive and instinctively the last thing we want to be is visible. Until it’s time to take center stage, at which some of us excel. But there is a protocol to when and where, and only we know it. So I’m beginning to live life now as a visible individual, completely out in the open, and its completely uncharted territory, but definitely refreshing. So, note to other Pisceans, you can do it and you’ll enjoy it, but do schedule regular hibernation, cause that will still be necessary.

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4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Hi, Laura J

I’m not a professional dream interpreter…I’ve just dabbled in the symbology for a bit. What I’ve discovered is that there is a pretty common consensus amongst the Pros that everyone in the dream is really an aspect of “ourselves”. That being said, here were my initial gut reactions to the dream.

First of all, I felt that this dream dealt with your personal power. Trying on the clothes that someone else picked out (perhaps a ‘mother’ like female authoritarian figure) could be symbolic of ways in which you ‘try on’ the opinions of others regarding you, your life, what you should believe, etc. Could the clothes be symbolic of your outward appearance only, or could they also have deeper meaning as you are searching for the right exterior means to present your inner life? Are you putting on an act in any way, so as to conceal who you really are with a ‘façade’ of approval by others?

Also, the clothes could represent different aspects of your life – which feel appropriate, which don’t? Are others trying to tell you want to do with your time? Are you trying to fit in somewhere?

While you’re initially willing to incorporate these beliefs as your own, they don’t really fit your authentic self! While not wanting to risk offending someone else, in the dream you were actually offending your own self by taking on those things that really belonged to someone else.

Cars are also symbolic of one’s way of being in the world. Even here we see you ‘in’ an unfamiliar way of being as you try to move forward towards the dinner – which is a group event where you’ll be the center of attention. Again, there might be some insecurities about fitting in??

I’m not sure if any of this helps but it’s the first thing I thought of! TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE! J HUGS!

Comment by Grace

Gracie, in a word “Yes.” In fact, I need to write a new post to show you how well you’ve nailed it. In fact maybe a series of posts which will explain what I’ve been doing with myself lately, and better explain who I am, for readers of this blog. Thank you thank you thank you! I’ve been exploring these issues in my waking life, and am so interested to see the way they’ve showed up in my dream life. You’re a goddess! You rule.
Re: the car as an unfamiliar way of being….what struck me with this part of your comment is that in the car (unfamiliar) I was in the driver’s seat (unfamiliar way of being?). So much food for thought.

Comment by songdeva

Huge smile here!!! I’m so glad to know that we were connected so wonderfully on this and I totally look forward to your posts on your experiences (I can relate so much to this topic!)
Big Hugs!

Comment by Grace

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