Lara’s World


Happy Thursday: How ya’ been?

I’ve been away for a while, and in the last week or two have thought about coming back to write some more. Last Friday I got a little package of gifts in the mail from a stranger (think RAOK) on just that day when I needed a lift. And after she read my thank you note she discovered my blog, and wrote me today that she was blown away because so much here at Lara’s World was just what she needed to be reading. Is that not amazing? I took it as a Universal Nudge.

I think I felt like I was writing for other people, when I wanted to connect to and express my own voice in this blog. Don’t get me wrong…the spiritual stuff especially is for others, for informational purposes as well as to create dialog. And the other stuff is for expression and perhaps dialog as well. But with the other stuff, the..self exploration?? I think I discovered that I was too aware of readers, of what people might think, or expressing things in a certain way. For example, writing them to elicit a specific reaction, maybe. Anyway, I needed to back off and reconnect with authenticity a bit.

The funny thing is, that the above is not to say that what I wrote isn’t authentic…it’s just that I would like to write with only the goal of true expression in mind. And to let the interaction in blogland come after. So there you go.

Grace, if you’re reading this, I left off in the middle of a story. I think the long and short of it is this:

1. Girl born in America
2. Girl learns to obliterate self and recreate new, perfect self in order to win approval at all times and from all possible sources.
3. Girl discovers, perhaps a bit late, that previous modus operandi is daft, also finds that she is pissed about this. Begins to seek alternative methods of living.
4. Girl declares that she will never again take a job that drains her spirit, in fact will only do work that feeds her soul from here on in. That she will only be true to herself, and will learn how to do just that.

And, now:

5. (How fitting, since 5’s are about transformation) Girl is sitting in place while universe brings desired changes around her. Girl is living on her principles and faith. Pretty much no one gets what she is doing or why she is doing it. Girl knows something great is developing, and that she will soon abundantly support herself by virtue of her talents and dreams, by virtue of her true self. Universe periodically delivers enough money for Girl to live on (yea! for signposts). Girl is only one who gets it or even sees the path she is on, but even amidst doubters and concerned individuals, Girl is for the first time discovering herself on a peaceful island where she knows all is well because she’s made a decision to follow the truth she felt in her heart. Only she can feel or discern said truth, but she’s now grown up enough to trust it and go with it.

6. Girl is subject to periodic panic attacks, but while she won’t say these are a breeze, the truth is that regardless of paralyzing moments of doubt, girl knows – and I mean, knows – that she’s in right place at right time, doing right thing. Girl is living at family home while she recrafts her life at 35. Family was never easy and isn’t now, but is kind enough to give her the time and space she needs. During panic attacks girl feels like loser. During moments of faith girl knows she’s a pioneer, and wants to pass what she knows on to others who are living something that feels untrue. Cool Chick (formerly “girl”) notices that although no one really knows what she’s up to, or really understands, Cool Chick is a big success, which she feels in her belly, swirling and forming and getting ready to bust a move at the right time out onto the earth plane.

I guess my point would be, Grace et al, that though I don’t have the after story yet to go with my before story, my NOW story is bringing me such peace and joy, and all from following my own truth. I’m in that in between space and feel alive. And it does deliver all I need at the moment. My heart is full, my heart and mind are alive with possibilities, and noticing opportunities, and I feel the spiritual support around me big time. Panic or doubts are the death throes of my old beliefs, the labor pains of the new consciousness that is being born in me. I’ve said before we need to express what we feel (haven’t I?) and not just squash it down in an effort to be “positive” or something. Well, those doubtful moments are just that…expressions of old beliefs or emotions about abundance and the way we need to be in the world…expressions that allow the releasing of said beliefs and emotions, and the clearing necessary to allow space for new ones…such as, that All Is Well. I AM deeply loved. I AM unique on this planet, and what I AM is exactly what the world needs from me, and what I will love to give. I AM a being of joy, and will express this to everyone else. By being myself exactly as I am, I give those around me permission to do exactly the same thing. I would love to see the world doing this…being only who they are at any given moment. As I picture it I can see everyone exhaling and gliding around smiling, putting no pressure on others to do or be anything they don’t want to, loving others exactly as they are, feeling peace.