Lara’s World


Who are you not to be fabulous?

One of my favorite quotes ever. I was blown away by this back when I, like many, believed it was part of Nelson Mandela’s inauguration speech. In truth, the words were written by Marianne Williamson. Funny thing, when I went searching online to find the text, I found that the quote is from her book, A Return to Love, which is currently sitting by my pillow on my bed:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

So much there that resounds through my heart and my brain. I feel the truth of this every time I sing and allow truth and love to pour through my voice, with no editing or judgement on my part. The audience always, ALWAYS responds well to what I’m giving when I achieve that.

I generally spend time rehearsing a song technically, worry that its not going well, won’t sound right etc….get myself so upset that I finally just have to surrender, and it is not until I do that I remember what’s missing. The creative spirit! The divine feminine. The opposite of intellect…that which drives me to sing in the first place.

Sheesh.

When we get the intellect and the intuition, the technical and the creative, working together as we need them to do, it all sort of handles itself. I’m over this habit of obsessing over how a song sounds. How my voice sounds. An audience doesn’t respond to a technically perfect performance the way they do to a performance full of your heart. I do forget sometimes. The ego is strong, and hey, we all wanna’ be loved. But I’ll tell you, my old fears about singing and performing have no place to take hold when I’m coming from the place that feels right to me.

I’ve learned to go back to the beginning. What drives me to sing (that urging in my heart), and my urge to sing the truth and to give of myself through my music. That’s what’s needed from any artist. That giving of your heart to your audience. That’s what they need from you on the deepest level. So when I go back there, and approach the song from that place of truth, practice it from a standpoint of honesty, love, openness and vulnerability, and practice the technical aspects as well…well, then when I go to sing I’m no longer wondering how it will be received.

I’m simply standing in a moment. Inside a song, pouring forth everything I have. And doing it that way is the only way that ever gives me any satisfaction any more as an artist….And doing it that way is the only way that touches an audience, gives them permission to feel, expressing things they might have been able to express without music. Ironically that is when audiences approach me and tell me how much they loved or were moved by what I’ve given them from the stage. And the beautiful thing is by then, I no longer need the affirmation the way I would have before…that these conversations can simply be moments of sharing and connection derived from a song that continues after it has ended.

Who are we not to be fabulous? I think we reach fabulous when we can immerse ourselves the way I’ve described above. And I have a new friend who sings his heart out and is amazing on stage. And it really irks me the way some people hate on him. They take the simplest little action on his part and reinterpret it to be an expression of arrogance or egoism. Do they ever ask themselves what it is that he could do that they would find acceptable? Sometimes we really set people up in a no win situation

“There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.” I hope he never does. I know that alot of the time I joke and play with people to make myself more accessible…so they won’t be intimidated by what I do. Jaysis! I think this is another type of the same cop out. I’m a loving and fun and joyful person, but it’s like sometimes that thought or intention is in my mind…let them see I’m not conceited…or whatever. Because, for example, I really do need that intense, focussed, artist time away from other cast members, or perhaps only near the ones who are working similarly to the way I do, and who understand that need. I’m gonna’ try doing without that idea that I need to shrink myself a little (the thought of shrinking myself makes me really see the light here with regard to making people laugh – it makes me really uncomfortable). I can still play and laugh with people, but what if I only do it when my spirit drives me to do so? I’d like to see who I become when I don’t need to entertain off the stage as well.

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I just finished writing my latest post and my first stop afterwards was on your blog, on this post… I just wrote about being scared of my own power! Perfect timing, thank you.

Comment by greenlavender




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