Lara’s World


Merry Christmas Simon FO

Blogland, you will love this. I swear to God.

Last summer, I grabbed myself a job doing the lunch shift at a little pizza place. I needed something part time, and I had just read a couple of Terry Saltz mysteries. He was a carpenter who also worked for a pizza place, and I loved the generosity of spirit of both Terry and all who worked there. They were a team, and contributed to the best of their abilities to get the job done. So I figured, why not? On Craigslist one day I found a job posting asking for someone to do the counter and phones, etc. at lunch 5 days a week. I emailed the poster and said I was interested, had some experience, and left my contact info. Simon called my cell and left a voicemail giving me the rough details and also left a phone number to call him. A phone number I could not understand, though I listened probably 6 times. Basically, I had the name “Simon,” the town, and the fact that they made pizza. Nothing else. What did I do? I googled “Simon,” the town, and the word “pizza.” And up came an article that had been written about the shop two years before.

Fast forward to when I’ve been there a couple of weeks. During a quiet moment I decide to mess with Simon a bit and tell him how I couldn’t understand his vm and only found the restaurant because I was psychic. (No connection to any of my earlier posts – I was just playing around). I figured I could at least make him wonder how I found the place. So I tell him I’m psychic, and what does my new boss say? “I know – I read your blog.”

Can you say “I Feel Naked?” He’d read my blog? Apparently, he’d googled me too when I came to work there. Sheesh. I did ultimately explain how I really found his shop. But sheesh. There’s no going back once your boss has read your blog. And it gets better; from time to time he’d mention to my coworkers that I had a really nice blog and that they should check it out. I think I managed to distract them from doing this, but who knows? Maybe they all tune in. I hadn’t updated it for sometime actually, and only started up again recently. So maybe Simon has stopped tuning in himself. I guess we won’t know until he leaves a comment. And he will, if he reads this. Believe you me. For example: one day I laughingly told him to give a customer extra ketchup because the customer was cute. Simon, without batting an eye, turned around and told the customer why he was getting extra ketchup. Yes, this is who I work for, people.

So anyway, fast forwarding again, a couple of weeks before Christmas, a guy with a cute handmade hat walked into the store one day and confessed that yes, his gf had knit the hat for him. Simon thought that was pretty nice, and when I asked him what he’d want if I made him something for Christmas, he picked a scarf. And a color. Do you know how hard it is to find purple yarn that a man could wear? Simon did inform me that he was secure enough in his masculinity to wear any purple yarn that I wanted to use (cough), but after perusing a bit, I found a gor-gee-yous Rowan tweed, Harris Tweed Aran, to be specific, in a color called “Thistle.” It’s a deep, rich violet flecked with purple and red, 100% virgin wool from the hills and dales of Scotland…ahem. I set to work a couple of weeks before Christmas, and gave him the finished product today:

I was a little verklemt to give it up, actually. I’d put in a lot of time and energy, in the best possible sense. You see, I consider Simon a heart friend. He’s generous in a big way, and always seems to try to be the best person he can be. I’m sure he wouldn’t put it that way, but there it is. He’s a thinking man, and likes to debate. (In fact, debating is a HUGE pastime for most who work at this shop.) I’m grateful for him in my life and as my boss, so I put a lot of love into this scarf. Have you ever made a healing shawl?? Well that’s exactly what I did. I created it with the intention and request of the universe that it be a healing scarf, and that it remind Simon that he is loved whenever he wears it. I knit it with the intention that he and his wife and kids experience great peace, happiness, and joy. I find that healing shawls have a lot of power, and you know it when you’ve just placed one around your shoulders. This is what I wanted for the Sime-ster.

Now Simon is also like a big brother to me…which means many good things, and also means that sometimes we drive each other apesh*t. The holiday season was a bit stressful, and as I knit I reminded myself of all the wonderful things he’s done for me, and chose that to focus on, instead of being irritated. Hehheh. It does help,though. Seriously, read up on the Law of Attraction. At the end of the day, anything I could complain about with regard to him, he could make an identical complaint about me. Which is why I didn’t complain when he asked for 1/2 inch fringe on the ends of his scarf. If you promise not to tell him, I will confess to you that the fringe is actually about 1 inch long:

For you knitters, the scarf is about 56 inches long, and about 6 inches wide…unless you stretch it out until it measures about 10 inches wide. Why is one able to do this, you ask? Because it was knit in an aran design called a speckled rib from the Encyclopedia of Knit and Crochet Stitches. If you like what you see, grab an aran weight yarn and cast on 27 stitches with size 8 straights. Knit the speckled rib until the scarf is as long as you want it to be. I have to tell you, knitting with Harris Tweed (I think it’s now produced as Rowan Scottish Tweed) was a super treat. It’s not the kind of yarn I go for for myself…I tend to be the bargain girl, but have broken that habit I hope. It makes sense to buy the best you can afford of what you like the most…a piece will have a whole different energy about it. That’s why I chose this yarn for Simon’s scarf. In addition to the piece, your experience of creating it will have a whole different energy too…higher, more loving, more special, more magical.

Aside from verklemtness, it was also nice to hand it over today. Since Christmas I’ve been having pangs of guilt that it wasn’t done yet. Sheesh. Now, I’d recently made some real progress, so it was well underway. This past weekend I brought my new nephew and his parents up to the shop to introduce them all and buy dinner. I quietly told Simon I was not there for a discount (after he jokingly offered me one if I prepped some of the food), but that I simply wanted to introduce my blood family to my Bravo family, and to get the former some great food for supper. When we went to leave, Simon wouldn’t let me pay him. As in, ignored me (i.e., pretended I wasn’t speaking) when I tried to argue. We went home and feasted, believe you me. My brother had chosen the shop’s famous grilled chicken dinner, and once he managed to steal a few of my (also famous) steak tips, vowed to go back up there whenever he came to visit. Please. My whole family had already had nominated Simon for sainthood for generosity alone. And Simon and my brother got to talk politics and trade jokes about what a pain in the ass I am; I think they may get engaged, to be honest. Regardless, after all this, I said to my mother, “I think I better hurry up and finish this man’s scarf.” And actually, it wasn’t out of guilt at all. I felt a sincere gratitude in my heart, and channeled that energy to finish a purple tweed scarf for a kind friend.

So I finished it, and danged if it didn’t feel pretty good around my neck. But I tied a bow around it and gave it to its intended. Who seemed to like it pretty much.



Happy Thursday: How ya’ been?

I’ve been away for a while, and in the last week or two have thought about coming back to write some more. Last Friday I got a little package of gifts in the mail from a stranger (think RAOK) on just that day when I needed a lift. And after she read my thank you note she discovered my blog, and wrote me today that she was blown away because so much here at Lara’s World was just what she needed to be reading. Is that not amazing? I took it as a Universal Nudge.

I think I felt like I was writing for other people, when I wanted to connect to and express my own voice in this blog. Don’t get me wrong…the spiritual stuff especially is for others, for informational purposes as well as to create dialog. And the other stuff is for expression and perhaps dialog as well. But with the other stuff, the..self exploration?? I think I discovered that I was too aware of readers, of what people might think, or expressing things in a certain way. For example, writing them to elicit a specific reaction, maybe. Anyway, I needed to back off and reconnect with authenticity a bit.

The funny thing is, that the above is not to say that what I wrote isn’t authentic…it’s just that I would like to write with only the goal of true expression in mind. And to let the interaction in blogland come after. So there you go.

Grace, if you’re reading this, I left off in the middle of a story. I think the long and short of it is this:

1. Girl born in America
2. Girl learns to obliterate self and recreate new, perfect self in order to win approval at all times and from all possible sources.
3. Girl discovers, perhaps a bit late, that previous modus operandi is daft, also finds that she is pissed about this. Begins to seek alternative methods of living.
4. Girl declares that she will never again take a job that drains her spirit, in fact will only do work that feeds her soul from here on in. That she will only be true to herself, and will learn how to do just that.

And, now:

5. (How fitting, since 5’s are about transformation) Girl is sitting in place while universe brings desired changes around her. Girl is living on her principles and faith. Pretty much no one gets what she is doing or why she is doing it. Girl knows something great is developing, and that she will soon abundantly support herself by virtue of her talents and dreams, by virtue of her true self. Universe periodically delivers enough money for Girl to live on (yea! for signposts). Girl is only one who gets it or even sees the path she is on, but even amidst doubters and concerned individuals, Girl is for the first time discovering herself on a peaceful island where she knows all is well because she’s made a decision to follow the truth she felt in her heart. Only she can feel or discern said truth, but she’s now grown up enough to trust it and go with it.

6. Girl is subject to periodic panic attacks, but while she won’t say these are a breeze, the truth is that regardless of paralyzing moments of doubt, girl knows – and I mean, knows – that she’s in right place at right time, doing right thing. Girl is living at family home while she recrafts her life at 35. Family was never easy and isn’t now, but is kind enough to give her the time and space she needs. During panic attacks girl feels like loser. During moments of faith girl knows she’s a pioneer, and wants to pass what she knows on to others who are living something that feels untrue. Cool Chick (formerly “girl”) notices that although no one really knows what she’s up to, or really understands, Cool Chick is a big success, which she feels in her belly, swirling and forming and getting ready to bust a move at the right time out onto the earth plane.

I guess my point would be, Grace et al, that though I don’t have the after story yet to go with my before story, my NOW story is bringing me such peace and joy, and all from following my own truth. I’m in that in between space and feel alive. And it does deliver all I need at the moment. My heart is full, my heart and mind are alive with possibilities, and noticing opportunities, and I feel the spiritual support around me big time. Panic or doubts are the death throes of my old beliefs, the labor pains of the new consciousness that is being born in me. I’ve said before we need to express what we feel (haven’t I?) and not just squash it down in an effort to be “positive” or something. Well, those doubtful moments are just that…expressions of old beliefs or emotions about abundance and the way we need to be in the world…expressions that allow the releasing of said beliefs and emotions, and the clearing necessary to allow space for new ones…such as, that All Is Well. I AM deeply loved. I AM unique on this planet, and what I AM is exactly what the world needs from me, and what I will love to give. I AM a being of joy, and will express this to everyone else. By being myself exactly as I am, I give those around me permission to do exactly the same thing. I would love to see the world doing this…being only who they are at any given moment. As I picture it I can see everyone exhaling and gliding around smiling, putting no pressure on others to do or be anything they don’t want to, loving others exactly as they are, feeling peace.



Guidesposts for your Spiritual Path (Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening, Part II)

In the post Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening: A List, I talked about the aforementioned symptoms and, well, provided a list. Paul Left the following comment, to which I decided to dedicate a new (in fact, this) post:

Very interesting.. over the last few months, some of the above symptoms have been manifesting themselves in/on/around myself. Going back years, i have had odd strange things happen around me.. including a Medium coming up to me and telling me that i had a “gift”…- and that i could be a “Great Healer” – (Her words). I more or less ignored it all over the years until recently when being told by a couple of independent people that they could see a “Spirit” boy with me.
I have, over the last 6 months or so, been attempting to find out more about the whole subject, and perhaps what i am supposed to do about it… – if anything…
During this time, i have been experiencing an ever increasing degree of “flickering”/”vibrating” sensations on/around my crown. I suppose what i’m getting at is.. Do you think that i am in the process of Spiritual Awakening that you discuss above.? And if i am, what should i expect to happen to me… i don’t appear to be seeing Ghosts or anything… is this likely to start happening some time soon… ? Not that it would worry me if i did actually..
Paul.
Comment by Paul. 02.23.07

Paul, I’m not sure I can say what you should expect to happen. When I put your energy experiences (i.e.) crown tingling together with the seeking you’ve been doing for the past 1/2 year, I’d say yes, there is some spiritual awakening going on. I bet for more than 6 months. Heck, I’d say it was true even minus the tingling.

Do you want to see spirits? As you become more sensitive, yes, it’s possible that you will perceive them in various ways. You can let your guides know that you are or are not comfortable with this. Does the idea of being a great healer strike you as a fabulous and fascinating road to explore? Then perhaps healing begs some investigation on your part. Study of intuitive development will aid you in both these respects, as it will go a long way to explaining your experiences.

As for your spirit boy, I don’t know who he is or what his story is, but have you sat down and attempted to perceive him yourself? Find out his story? This is a point that I think that bears some space of its own, perhaps in another post. The realm of spirit is fascinating to me.

I thought your questions on your spiritual path were worth investigating in detail because a lot of people have questions like this, and perhaps with this conversation we could assist someone who feels called to experience spiritual growth and has no idea where to start. I guess it would be helpful for me to think about what I would have liked someone to tell me at the start of my own path. So I’ll explore that now, fellow traveler.

Trust
Let’s start right there for the person who has no idea what to do first. You have in fact already done the first thing! That call you feel to grow, to change, to “something more” is the first thing. If you never did another thing, the universe would still bring you what you need to follow your path; including a path. Seriously. Insert sigh of relief.

Meditate.
I feel like the best first bit of advice I could give you or the aforementioned beginner is to take 15 minutes every morning to sit quietly and focus on your breathing, with the intention of getting to know your own heart. When thoughts pop in, notice them and let them go as your return your focus to your breath. This practice is valuable for many reasons, and will help you differentiate between yourself and other phenomena that happen around you. It will aid your spiritual growth. From there you can select from the smorgasbord of different ways to meditate and explore which ones work, are fun, are meaningful, what aids you to be peaceful in yourself, connect with the divine, heal your body mind and spirit, or whatever your intention might be.

*I will confess that I did this a bit out of order (as in, last). I meditated, but my intention was to grow spiritually and become more aware of guides, angels, etc. because I thought these concepts were very cool. I studied all kinds of healing modalities and experienced great healing, and facilitated healing for others. To be honest, this was probably the way I, being me, would have had to do it. I followed my heart when deciding how to proceed, and I think heart following is probably the best bit of advice you could remember from anything that you learn anywhere. Now is the time when I’m focusing on knowing my heart/soul a bit more deeply, and honoring them as the first source of guidance in my life. I did do it my way, and it did work for me. And so, naturally:

Follow your heart
Regarding your question, what you are supposed to do about it…Follow your heart. Have I driven this home yet? I have to say here that what seems perhaps like a platitude will reveal the depths of its truth to you with time. The most basic spiritual truths are never as facile as they might seem. Your heart knows what is right and wrong for you. If you are honest with yourself your heart will be a natural, built-in compass. What should you do about it? Well, what seems true to you out of all that you encounter and read? What is fascinating to you, excites you?…what do you want to read and learn more about? Allow these urges and inclinations to guide you; they are signals from your soul.

Talk to others who are exploring. What are they seeking? What excites them? Are they full of horsepuckey? Do they have truth to share with you? Do you have truth to share with them? Other seekers can provide a sounding board for you to get your ideas and intuitive knowledge together, crystallized, so that you can see it better and again, know yourself. So will a journal. Or a blog. Other seekers will also share a similar energy with you, that is supportive, and perhaps something you can’t share with your old friends.

Keep an open mind, allow your heart to be the judge.
When you hear or read or otherwise learn something new, and your heart instantly jumps for joy with this new concept or knowledge, go with your heart. If your mind instantly says its crazy, agree to suspend disbelief, wait a while. Wait until your heart chimes in with its opinion, to confirm that this something is indeed nuts (to you), or until your heart suggests that, “well, maybe there is some truth here; let’s keep listening until it jumps out at us”. This is a rule I made for myself, so as not to cut off discovery before it starts. When you think you know everything, there is nothing else to learn. I want to be open to and learn as much as possible. So I give myself plenty of time to mull. It has gotten to where I don’t need as long, in fact, I can usually feel and honor my heart reaction pretty quickly now, as opposed to the mind impeding things. If you are already there, bless you.

Keep the best, discard the rest.
And this applies to what you’re reading right now. (I mean my post, hun.) If you find a book that offers concepts that blow your mind and ring your truth bell, but some of it makes you shrink away, accept the love it has to offer. The rest is either: something you’re not ready for, or simply not something that is true for you (i.e. a new addition to your hogwash list). Sometimes hogwash has a kernel of truth that you need. Don’t throw the diamond out with the dishwater, so to speak. This will help you to feel safe in exploring whatever you wanna’ explore. To not edit yourself before you begin. You don’t have to take on a whole doctrine when you only resonate with points 1 and 2b.

Know that what’s true for you can and will change.
Ha HA! This might be one of the best parts. If you’re truly on your path and connected, the universe will continually surprise you. Embrace the continual newness.

Don’t panic.
Thank you, Douglas Adams. I don’t think panic is ever the solution, but if you must try it, then you must I suppose. This goes back to letting the heart lead. It will always offer you the experience you need. For me what’s true is that doubt and fear are not my friends. Ever. If I follow what my heart thought was a good idea in that first instant of consideration, I’m golden. No second guessing for me.

Other things that have been important for me personally:

Holding the highest and most loving intention.
In everything I do. Or think. Do I always nail it? Nope. But pretty often. And I’m open to reviewing the areas where I miss. The easiest guage here for choosing the highest option for me is, what choice or thought or action brings me the most peace?

Tolerance for the spiritual beliefs of others
I think the variety of spiritual pathways in the world is a thing of great beauty and one of our dearest spiritual resources. Through faithfulness to our own path and through honoring the paths of others, I believe we can start to see the beauty and grace, indeed the divine in each other, which is the place where we discover we are all the same.

Express yourself.
You are who you are for a reason. The world needs what you have to say and give. Never doubt it. Your voice can make a difference in ways you never expected.

That’s what I’ve got for now. I sincerely hope there is something here to help you (whoever might be reading). I reserve the right to add and change as I discover more truth.