Lara’s World

Back in Blogland

So let’s see…

I’ve done two more shows.

I have sung with life changing results and done drama with life changing results.

I put my dog down on Friday. Way to start a weekend. She was the canine love of my life.

I have finished an alpaca Clapotis. Me. This was the first thing I ever knitted that was bigger than….oh, I don’t know, a calorimetry.

I have cast on for a quant and have at least one third done in Kureyon.

There will be pictures of all this, but you’ll just have to wait.

I work in a fabulous little pizza joint that will no doubt inspire many stories. I can think of one right now. It’s really good. You’ll just have to wait.

If, after going for broke at a potluck today, I managed to have lost 1.6 pounds at my weigh-in tomorrow, I will have hit the 40 pounds lost mark. Yeah, big stuff, huh? I’m gearing up to wax poetic about it, so get ready.

I’m applying for grad school. Maybe I’ll post my essay here. Maybe not, though.

Other stuff…well, there’s been a lot of it. It might be more refreshing to just move forward, rather than catch up. What do you think?


My mojo…my mojo…my mojo’s on fire!

Re: the title of this post, what would the next line of this song be? Come on, some one of you must know. 🙂

And per this post right here, I got in! I’m very psyched. There are names I don’t recognize on the cast list, people that must have audtioned on the second night, which means there was more competition than just the first night.

Draw your own conclusions about my fabulousness.

The play is a murder mystery farce set in a mansion in the UK. It’s called But Why Bump Off Barnaby? Apparently Barnaby, who dies melodramatically in the first scene, is the only person present without a cent to his name. Yours truly will play a wealthy 80-year-old woman who can’t hear a thing and therefore has ridiculous conversations with everyone. I am SO excited about this. The universal or cosmic irony here is that my 90-year-old grandmother is exactly this person (give or take some wealth). Clearly I am to learn humor and patience.

Dry as my sense of humor is (and it can by positively arid), I found the script hilarious, and this is the part I was hoping to get, based on my limited experience of the script (said experience still totals maybe 8 minutes of quick scene-related perusal). Here’s hoping I don’t have any nude scenes.

The director took an extra two days to come up with a cast list. Ay, the waiting. And during this time I had perused other local auditons, and was particularly interested in, say, a musical or two. How cool would that be? I got excited about other potential opportunities, wondered if they’d conflict with this one….etc. And sometime during this 48 hours I realized that with all this extra perusal I hadn’t stated that I wanted this. I mean, I did want it when I left the audition, but then started looking at other opportunities online, etc. And therefore, I believe interrupted the flow of it all. So the last time I sat down to check my email, I committed. I thought to myself, well, what if there is a better opportunity that would be nixed if I took this?? (I’m such a pisces.) It has nothing to do with the play or the cast or the director or anything, it’s just a fear of commitment. Period. So I sat down that last time with that “what if” going through my head and said Wait. You know what? I want what’s for my highest good. Universe, I want this, or something better. And I clicked Check Mail, and there was a cast list waiting for me. Incidentally, did I mention that I got in?

This is an important lesson for me actually with regard to everything I want to create in my life. Especially with my music. Ultimately, I (pisces. In case you missed it) want to feel safe (wow that’s hard to write). You might be thinking, odd career choice then; have you thought about something in civil service? However I’m an ace marketer which comes in handy. Or would with a bit of focus. However, I do trip myself up by not being specific in just the way mentioned…wanting to try and do EVERYTHING! “What would I miss out on if I did this?? Gasp!” Ideally I would like to be working with a group of creative and talented musicians to make music and perform to loyal fans all over the world. To be completely fired up by the creative talent of the people working with me. To channel love through my voice that is received by and healing to all who listen.

I’ve always been appreciative of a great ensemble. Creative interplay adds so much to art. But I feel like I’m a solo artist, ultimately. At least that’s what I think I see. I’m open to the possibilities I haven’t thought of, and welcome being pleasantly surprised by the universe. Creation! Magnificent.

Creation and Frustration…On the Lam from the Knitting Police
January 11, 2007, 10:47 pm
Filed under: conscious co-creation, Crochet, knitting, Life, metaphysics, singer, vocalist

Well, I’ve taken pictures that I just don’t feel like loading for posting here. And I have to get over the idea that I need pictures to post. So there, I’m over it.

Not a day for crochet today. I’m making a tank with super-bulky yarn and the directions are a little funky. And I seamed 3 pieces together wrong and then redid them. By the time I redid them and had decided which way I was going to interpret the funky directions, I was disgusted with the whole thing and decided to put it away! Sheesh.

So I visited with my dog and then decided to pick up my Backyard Leaves scarf, which is advanced for me, and a fabulous too rich turquoise (so appropriate for the throat chakra) and for which I had knitted the 8 setup rows (and it took about 8 tries if I recall correctly. Probably not a day most people would recommend I pick it up again, what say?) At any rate, as I went along, there were maybe two areas where I wondered if I had corrected a flub or two…correctly. And I got to a point where I just said, you know what, this is MY scarf and MY merino wool and MY project. And as a wise new friend at a knitting group said last night, THERE ARE NO KNITTING POLICE!!

No matter how it looks it will keep my neck warm, and really I just want to be with the experience of knitting and being immersed in this intense healing color. Yes turquoise is healing. All colors are.

And finally, I’m not an uncreative chick. I will end up with something that I like no matter how I get there. I won’t end up with a tangled mess hanging from my throat. Sheesh. And maybe instead of Backyard Leaves I’ll end up with Front Yard Leaves or Park Leaves or some other leaves, which will, I’ll have you know, be just as good as any other leaves.

So I knitted 4 rows and left it at that. I’m planning to write out the chart for myself. I mean, a blank box is a K on RS and a P on WS and vice versa for a dot. How bout a blank box is a knit and a dot is a purl? Why get all stupid? *grumble*

I was just a bit on the edge today anyway. I did mile two of Runagogo with Daisy Dog by my side. And I got some singing in. Do we love our Nano? We DO. We have vocal warmups and vocal exercises and backup tracks loaded on and it’s a vocal studio in a…tiny little ipod box. I can also run tracks through my mixer from my ipod for recording or performing. This last tidbit is for you music types that might still be carting around a laptop. I’d love a live band, but this is BUTTAH in the meantime.

And it occurs to me that the only way I can truly dispel that jittery energy is through singing, whether finding a song that seems right, writing one, or just singing the energy, i.e. spirit singing.
This is because I am a singer. How do you equalize?

Moving Forward Fearlessly…and energy for singing
January 7, 2007, 10:04 pm
Filed under: Energy, Life, singer, Spirit, vocalist

It’s wonderful reading this, from Natasha the Artists Blog, as it’s a primary issue I’ve been facing/learning about lately. How fear keeps me from moving forward. Or how I let it do so. I mean, realistically, why not fixate on the possible positive wonderful outcome? This is after all part of how we can create said wonderful outcome. I have to talk myself through this sometimes and shift the prevailing fear energy into something I can use.

Another thing I’ve discovered, as a performer and spiritual chick, has helped me greatly: Part of the fear or nervousness we experience before performing is simply a building of energy, much like before working with spirit. It’s a building of the big energy that is required to do what we do, singing, acting, dancing, etc.

The first time this occurred to me, I was preparing to sing (thanks guides), and immediately the tension that had been building…didn’t dissipate really, but sort of evened out, and wasn’t so overwhelming. Said energy feels more like an ally when this happens. I remember thinking “Maybe this fear is just Big Energy.” And really, it’s more than what I’m accustomed to dealing with on a constant basis, but it’s what I use to connect with the audience and is what I transmit to them while singing. Which is, I think, why people go see other people perform in the first place. 🙂 What do you get from a singer or a dance troupe or live theatre? An energy that helps you tap into something in you that needs expression. Artists are pretty special I think, and I never looked at them that way before, as serving a purpose other than beauty if you will. As helping others express themselves.

But that is how my California friend Kimberly explained what happens when I sing (in front of an audience she meant), that it helps people tap into their emotions. Which was cool, because I’m relearning what it is that I do these days. And I’m relearning because in the past I only experienced it through a haze of fear, that I had learned to sing through. Ick. I missed most of the good stuff during, though I got the positive feedback later. But because I’d been focussed on the fear during the song, for example, the compliments after often seemed disconnected from my experience of actually singing. Comment if I need to explain this more clearly. Yeesh.

It was so bad that at one point I decided (just before a performance) never to do it again. But that’s a post for another day, and luckily for my spirit, it turns out we can’t escape what drives us.