Lara’s World


Back in Blogland

So let’s see…

I’ve done two more shows.

I have sung with life changing results and done drama with life changing results.

I put my dog down on Friday. Way to start a weekend. She was the canine love of my life.

I have finished an alpaca Clapotis. Me. This was the first thing I ever knitted that was bigger than….oh, I don’t know, a calorimetry.

I have cast on for a quant and have at least one third done in Kureyon.

There will be pictures of all this, but you’ll just have to wait.

I work in a fabulous little pizza joint that will no doubt inspire many stories. I can think of one right now. It’s really good. You’ll just have to wait.

If, after going for broke at a potluck today, I managed to have lost 1.6 pounds at my weigh-in tomorrow, I will have hit the 40 pounds lost mark. Yeah, big stuff, huh? I’m gearing up to wax poetic about it, so get ready.

I’m applying for grad school. Maybe I’ll post my essay here. Maybe not, though.

Other stuff…well, there’s been a lot of it. It might be more refreshing to just move forward, rather than catch up. What do you think?

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Pattern: Pink Fluttery Cowl Scarf (crochet)
December 4, 2007, 5:05 pm
Filed under: Crochet, free crochet patterns

I made this scarf last winter, and figured the pattern was too easy to post…but you know what? You wouldn’t believe how frequently someone comes to my page via search terms like “crochet cowl scarf” or “cowl scarf pattern.” If you like this one and would like to make it, who am I to stop you??

It is wicked wicked soft (welcome to wicked Boston), and looks really great done. The yarn combination is one that just really works. And this I tell you as someone who doesn’t usually go for the fun fur. Well, I suppose this is more like an eyelash yarn, which ups its cool points somewhat. (Yes, it does!) Here’s what ya’ do:

Materials:
1 Ball Lion Brand Moonlight Mohair “I think I used Coral Reef…”
1 Ball Red Heart Kiss in a pale pink
P Hook

Instructions:

Chain 19

1.Double Crochet in 4th Chain from hook, and in each chain across (16 DC across)

(*1st Chain 3 counts as one DC throughout)

2. Repeat row 1 until one or the other of your yarns runs out (my Moonlight Mohair lasted longer than my RH Kiss).

2b. Or consider a row of sc every once in a while if you like.

3.Pull remaining yarn through loop to finish (don’t cut).

4. Use remaining attached yarn to sew the ends together. Make sure rights sides are facing each other on the inside of the scarf before you sew.

5. Weave in ends and turn so right side is now on outside.

6. Put it on and realize that you won’t be giving it away for the Holidays after all.

Note: Experienced crocheters can have this gift done in 30 minutes or less. I would think most folks can get it done in under 2 hours – even beginners! And believe me, you will feel so/em> accomplished.

Enjoy everybody!

See closeup of scarf here.

Copyright 2006.



She was gone, but not dead.
November 28, 2007, 6:25 pm
Filed under: acting, awakening, blogging, conscious co-creation, Crochet, Gifts, intuition, knitting

So hi, I’m back and feel like I might have some stuff to write about again.
Much going on, transitions, internal and external, projects to post…
I dunno. But I’m feeling the figurative pen dip into the equally figurative ink, and I thought
I’d dip back into Blogland to see what y’all been up to.

Good to see you again.



Happy Thursday: How ya’ been?

I’ve been away for a while, and in the last week or two have thought about coming back to write some more. Last Friday I got a little package of gifts in the mail from a stranger (think RAOK) on just that day when I needed a lift. And after she read my thank you note she discovered my blog, and wrote me today that she was blown away because so much here at Lara’s World was just what she needed to be reading. Is that not amazing? I took it as a Universal Nudge.

I think I felt like I was writing for other people, when I wanted to connect to and express my own voice in this blog. Don’t get me wrong…the spiritual stuff especially is for others, for informational purposes as well as to create dialog. And the other stuff is for expression and perhaps dialog as well. But with the other stuff, the..self exploration?? I think I discovered that I was too aware of readers, of what people might think, or expressing things in a certain way. For example, writing them to elicit a specific reaction, maybe. Anyway, I needed to back off and reconnect with authenticity a bit.

The funny thing is, that the above is not to say that what I wrote isn’t authentic…it’s just that I would like to write with only the goal of true expression in mind. And to let the interaction in blogland come after. So there you go.

Grace, if you’re reading this, I left off in the middle of a story. I think the long and short of it is this:

1. Girl born in America
2. Girl learns to obliterate self and recreate new, perfect self in order to win approval at all times and from all possible sources.
3. Girl discovers, perhaps a bit late, that previous modus operandi is daft, also finds that she is pissed about this. Begins to seek alternative methods of living.
4. Girl declares that she will never again take a job that drains her spirit, in fact will only do work that feeds her soul from here on in. That she will only be true to herself, and will learn how to do just that.

And, now:

5. (How fitting, since 5’s are about transformation) Girl is sitting in place while universe brings desired changes around her. Girl is living on her principles and faith. Pretty much no one gets what she is doing or why she is doing it. Girl knows something great is developing, and that she will soon abundantly support herself by virtue of her talents and dreams, by virtue of her true self. Universe periodically delivers enough money for Girl to live on (yea! for signposts). Girl is only one who gets it or even sees the path she is on, but even amidst doubters and concerned individuals, Girl is for the first time discovering herself on a peaceful island where she knows all is well because she’s made a decision to follow the truth she felt in her heart. Only she can feel or discern said truth, but she’s now grown up enough to trust it and go with it.

6. Girl is subject to periodic panic attacks, but while she won’t say these are a breeze, the truth is that regardless of paralyzing moments of doubt, girl knows – and I mean, knows – that she’s in right place at right time, doing right thing. Girl is living at family home while she recrafts her life at 35. Family was never easy and isn’t now, but is kind enough to give her the time and space she needs. During panic attacks girl feels like loser. During moments of faith girl knows she’s a pioneer, and wants to pass what she knows on to others who are living something that feels untrue. Cool Chick (formerly “girl”) notices that although no one really knows what she’s up to, or really understands, Cool Chick is a big success, which she feels in her belly, swirling and forming and getting ready to bust a move at the right time out onto the earth plane.

I guess my point would be, Grace et al, that though I don’t have the after story yet to go with my before story, my NOW story is bringing me such peace and joy, and all from following my own truth. I’m in that in between space and feel alive. And it does deliver all I need at the moment. My heart is full, my heart and mind are alive with possibilities, and noticing opportunities, and I feel the spiritual support around me big time. Panic or doubts are the death throes of my old beliefs, the labor pains of the new consciousness that is being born in me. I’ve said before we need to express what we feel (haven’t I?) and not just squash it down in an effort to be “positive” or something. Well, those doubtful moments are just that…expressions of old beliefs or emotions about abundance and the way we need to be in the world…expressions that allow the releasing of said beliefs and emotions, and the clearing necessary to allow space for new ones…such as, that All Is Well. I AM deeply loved. I AM unique on this planet, and what I AM is exactly what the world needs from me, and what I will love to give. I AM a being of joy, and will express this to everyone else. By being myself exactly as I am, I give those around me permission to do exactly the same thing. I would love to see the world doing this…being only who they are at any given moment. As I picture it I can see everyone exhaling and gliding around smiling, putting no pressure on others to do or be anything they don’t want to, loving others exactly as they are, feeling peace.



Guidesposts for your Spiritual Path (Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening, Part II)

In the post Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening: A List, I talked about the aforementioned symptoms and, well, provided a list. Paul Left the following comment, to which I decided to dedicate a new (in fact, this) post:

Very interesting.. over the last few months, some of the above symptoms have been manifesting themselves in/on/around myself. Going back years, i have had odd strange things happen around me.. including a Medium coming up to me and telling me that i had a “gift”…- and that i could be a “Great Healer” – (Her words). I more or less ignored it all over the years until recently when being told by a couple of independent people that they could see a “Spirit” boy with me.
I have, over the last 6 months or so, been attempting to find out more about the whole subject, and perhaps what i am supposed to do about it… – if anything…
During this time, i have been experiencing an ever increasing degree of “flickering”/”vibrating” sensations on/around my crown. I suppose what i’m getting at is.. Do you think that i am in the process of Spiritual Awakening that you discuss above.? And if i am, what should i expect to happen to me… i don’t appear to be seeing Ghosts or anything… is this likely to start happening some time soon… ? Not that it would worry me if i did actually..
Paul.
Comment by Paul. 02.23.07

Paul, I’m not sure I can say what you should expect to happen. When I put your energy experiences (i.e.) crown tingling together with the seeking you’ve been doing for the past 1/2 year, I’d say yes, there is some spiritual awakening going on. I bet for more than 6 months. Heck, I’d say it was true even minus the tingling.

Do you want to see spirits? As you become more sensitive, yes, it’s possible that you will perceive them in various ways. You can let your guides know that you are or are not comfortable with this. Does the idea of being a great healer strike you as a fabulous and fascinating road to explore? Then perhaps healing begs some investigation on your part. Study of intuitive development will aid you in both these respects, as it will go a long way to explaining your experiences.

As for your spirit boy, I don’t know who he is or what his story is, but have you sat down and attempted to perceive him yourself? Find out his story? This is a point that I think that bears some space of its own, perhaps in another post. The realm of spirit is fascinating to me.

I thought your questions on your spiritual path were worth investigating in detail because a lot of people have questions like this, and perhaps with this conversation we could assist someone who feels called to experience spiritual growth and has no idea where to start. I guess it would be helpful for me to think about what I would have liked someone to tell me at the start of my own path. So I’ll explore that now, fellow traveler.

Trust
Let’s start right there for the person who has no idea what to do first. You have in fact already done the first thing! That call you feel to grow, to change, to “something more” is the first thing. If you never did another thing, the universe would still bring you what you need to follow your path; including a path. Seriously. Insert sigh of relief.

Meditate.
I feel like the best first bit of advice I could give you or the aforementioned beginner is to take 15 minutes every morning to sit quietly and focus on your breathing, with the intention of getting to know your own heart. When thoughts pop in, notice them and let them go as your return your focus to your breath. This practice is valuable for many reasons, and will help you differentiate between yourself and other phenomena that happen around you. It will aid your spiritual growth. From there you can select from the smorgasbord of different ways to meditate and explore which ones work, are fun, are meaningful, what aids you to be peaceful in yourself, connect with the divine, heal your body mind and spirit, or whatever your intention might be.

*I will confess that I did this a bit out of order (as in, last). I meditated, but my intention was to grow spiritually and become more aware of guides, angels, etc. because I thought these concepts were very cool. I studied all kinds of healing modalities and experienced great healing, and facilitated healing for others. To be honest, this was probably the way I, being me, would have had to do it. I followed my heart when deciding how to proceed, and I think heart following is probably the best bit of advice you could remember from anything that you learn anywhere. Now is the time when I’m focusing on knowing my heart/soul a bit more deeply, and honoring them as the first source of guidance in my life. I did do it my way, and it did work for me. And so, naturally:

Follow your heart
Regarding your question, what you are supposed to do about it…Follow your heart. Have I driven this home yet? I have to say here that what seems perhaps like a platitude will reveal the depths of its truth to you with time. The most basic spiritual truths are never as facile as they might seem. Your heart knows what is right and wrong for you. If you are honest with yourself your heart will be a natural, built-in compass. What should you do about it? Well, what seems true to you out of all that you encounter and read? What is fascinating to you, excites you?…what do you want to read and learn more about? Allow these urges and inclinations to guide you; they are signals from your soul.

Talk to others who are exploring. What are they seeking? What excites them? Are they full of horsepuckey? Do they have truth to share with you? Do you have truth to share with them? Other seekers can provide a sounding board for you to get your ideas and intuitive knowledge together, crystallized, so that you can see it better and again, know yourself. So will a journal. Or a blog. Other seekers will also share a similar energy with you, that is supportive, and perhaps something you can’t share with your old friends.

Keep an open mind, allow your heart to be the judge.
When you hear or read or otherwise learn something new, and your heart instantly jumps for joy with this new concept or knowledge, go with your heart. If your mind instantly says its crazy, agree to suspend disbelief, wait a while. Wait until your heart chimes in with its opinion, to confirm that this something is indeed nuts (to you), or until your heart suggests that, “well, maybe there is some truth here; let’s keep listening until it jumps out at us”. This is a rule I made for myself, so as not to cut off discovery before it starts. When you think you know everything, there is nothing else to learn. I want to be open to and learn as much as possible. So I give myself plenty of time to mull. It has gotten to where I don’t need as long, in fact, I can usually feel and honor my heart reaction pretty quickly now, as opposed to the mind impeding things. If you are already there, bless you.

Keep the best, discard the rest.
And this applies to what you’re reading right now. (I mean my post, hun.) If you find a book that offers concepts that blow your mind and ring your truth bell, but some of it makes you shrink away, accept the love it has to offer. The rest is either: something you’re not ready for, or simply not something that is true for you (i.e. a new addition to your hogwash list). Sometimes hogwash has a kernel of truth that you need. Don’t throw the diamond out with the dishwater, so to speak. This will help you to feel safe in exploring whatever you wanna’ explore. To not edit yourself before you begin. You don’t have to take on a whole doctrine when you only resonate with points 1 and 2b.

Know that what’s true for you can and will change.
Ha HA! This might be one of the best parts. If you’re truly on your path and connected, the universe will continually surprise you. Embrace the continual newness.

Don’t panic.
Thank you, Douglas Adams. I don’t think panic is ever the solution, but if you must try it, then you must I suppose. This goes back to letting the heart lead. It will always offer you the experience you need. For me what’s true is that doubt and fear are not my friends. Ever. If I follow what my heart thought was a good idea in that first instant of consideration, I’m golden. No second guessing for me.

Other things that have been important for me personally:

Holding the highest and most loving intention.
In everything I do. Or think. Do I always nail it? Nope. But pretty often. And I’m open to reviewing the areas where I miss. The easiest guage here for choosing the highest option for me is, what choice or thought or action brings me the most peace?

Tolerance for the spiritual beliefs of others
I think the variety of spiritual pathways in the world is a thing of great beauty and one of our dearest spiritual resources. Through faithfulness to our own path and through honoring the paths of others, I believe we can start to see the beauty and grace, indeed the divine in each other, which is the place where we discover we are all the same.

Express yourself.
You are who you are for a reason. The world needs what you have to say and give. Never doubt it. Your voice can make a difference in ways you never expected.

That’s what I’ve got for now. I sincerely hope there is something here to help you (whoever might be reading). I reserve the right to add and change as I discover more truth.



Embracing our Power: SCARE other people, so what?? (One for Gracie)
February 23, 2007, 11:47 am
Filed under: dreams, intuition, metaphysical, Spirit

My blog friend Grace recently responded to a dream described in a post of mine with the most dead-on and insightful dream analysis. Grace, in my response I mentioned plans for a series of posts to expound on how well your analysis hit the mark. But since then, there’s been less energy in the past and more energy for now, and the future. Your response was most definitely a healing instrument! However, I think I can convey why I was so blown away in one post, and, rather than past events, what deserves energy here is the time a new friend took to offer insight and share her talents with a new friend. Grace’s comments are in Italics (Oh, for some colors and font options!)

First of all, I felt that this dream dealt with your personal power. Trying on the clothes that someone else picked out (perhaps a ‘mother’ like female authoritarian figure) could be symbolic of ways in which you ‘try on’ the opinions of others regarding you, your life, what you should believe, etc. Could the clothes be symbolic of your outward appearance only, or could they also have deeper meaning as you are searching for the right exterior means to present your inner life? Are you putting on an act in any way, so as to conceal who you really are with a ‘façade’ of approval by others?
Also, the clothes could represent different aspects of your life – which feel appropriate, which don’t? Are others trying to tell you want to do with your time? Are you trying to fit in somewhere?

Well, just sum up my life and relationships with women why don’t you? 🙂 Love from early female figures in my life was conditional and/or non-existent. Ouch. Anything I did or said was eventually for the purpose of pleasing those who provided me with what I needed in life. So basically, I pleased others in order to survive. And I didn’t feel safe unless I had a smile of approval aimed at me (the alternative was pretty unpleasant and scary. and painful. and soulcrushing.) I buried my true self just so I wouldn’t cease to exist, and yet, based on that burying, for a long time and in large part, I really did cease to exist. This was a choice made by a child’s mind in response to threats in her environment. As a result, the maturing me really had no connection to her true heart to use as a compass for life. The one constant in my life was singing, and yet I no longer trusted what my heart told me to be true. I relied on outside cues. Oddly, when I received (constant) positive feedback for singing, I did not trust that it would provide me with what I needed. And of course, family, reflecting back our own fears to us, helps us along this road of doubt by suggesting politely that we have something to fall back on, etc.

Oh my GOD! (Laughing) What a long and winding road I walked down, trying to listen to something other than my own truth!!! LOLOL Let me illustrate:

I wanted to be a singer. But I auditioned for a really elite acting school. And since I got in, I guess I figured I should go. Cut from the program after a year (I guess it was apparent when I would sing almost every time we were asked to perform that I didn’t really want to be there), I was like a fish out of water. I got a job in a bank (soulcrushing, at least for my soul) where the dynamic was a dysfunctional group of women who loathed me unless I conformed. But my mom was pleased. Moved on to another branch and from there (after about a year and a half) I went back to school and studied economics. Ultimately. Because it took me about ten years. And I declared my major in the last year I think it was. In between I worked in finance, and decided that was the career for me. I went to work for a dot com and started reeling in the bucks, and got laid off about the time I was getting burnt out. Tried alternative healing for a year or so. Temp work, including the finance section of a car auction house, the dynamic of which was – well, I suppose you can guess. Jealousy, power trips, gossip, nasty, just like the first bank. Can you feel that there was no energy behind any of this? Decided to be a singer. Found a job that would pay me while I worked on that. A little municipal job that was painted as very easy, and turned out to be HELL. LOLOL And who was my boss? A chemically imbalanced, woman with no self-esteem who was known thoughout the town (employees) for flying into rages that no one could relate to any perceivable cause.

Isn’t life GRAND? The way we can depend on a lesson surfacing again and again and again until we get it? It relives a bit of the fear that we won’t get it right. And quite honestly, this kind of thing is part of why I know we have so much love and support around us. Nope. Try again.

This job was what I needed to cut loose. I mean, it was horrible. I worked 8-4:30 and then covered meetings 3-4 nights at least every other week. 45-50 hours a week for this little job that would “tide me over.” The pressure was awful, the support and training was none. I mean NO training. When I left, I did one of those “create a crisis so I have to leave” things. And really, I didn’t need to leave over what I created, but I jumped on it. And they replaced me with 2.5 people (one of whom is the Town Planner). I’m just trying to illustrate the extent of my self denial. While I was there, my neck and shoulder tension was painful and debilitating. When pain and finger numbness almost made me leave church in pain one day, I finally went to the doctor. Who had never met me but felt my tense areas and looked at me oddly. She said “your back feels like…cement.” She prescribed muscle relaxants and narcotics that very day. Yes, this is what we can do to ourselves. And is what we do when we outright refuse to listen to our bodies and spirits. And I will add that Vicodin had no effect. But the muscle relaxants helped with time. 🙂

As I was saying, I needed this job. My guides had said I’d learn alot from it. Ah, yes, I love my guides. I left that job in 11/04 and have since refused to do anything for work that did not feed my spirit, instead of draining it. What happened next?

Well, Grace, I guess it is a series of posts, cause I’m sure folks need a break by now. 🙂 Tune in for part two if you like, and see how Graces continues with more holes in one.



100 days continued…Here’s what I’m doing. (Update 1)

So I’ve kicked off my 100 days! I have been starting each day with the (previously described) opening of my window to bask in and absorb sunlight for the purpose of clearing and energizing communing with the divine. I also recite an affirmative prayer aloud.

Now, all this I’ve been doing for a couple of weeks. Since the start of the 100 days, I’ve added morning affirmations from the I Can Do It book, for self-esteem, forgiveness, health, etc. I think next I’ll get cracking on the ones for Creativity, which were what I opened to in the book store, and what blew me away. But here’s a for instance:

Another thing I started today is a whole body detox/cleanse with herbs and fiber and such. I’ve done it once before and it was effective. As I popped the first cleanse pill this morning, I repeated “I now release all negativity and toxins that rest in my body.” (A variation on an affirmation in the book.) Ok, so it’s not neuroscience. But it is powerful.

Other than that, I just flip through and recite the ones that call to me. And the great thing about affirmations is that if one is a “hit” for you, then you know it. Like that, my emotions are turbo boosted into the squealing, joyful range. Which, as you may know, is exactly what you want for this Law of Attraction…a joyful (or nurturingly positive) emotion to go with a thought such that you are on your way to Creation! So think about it….”I am a joyous, creative expression of life” followed by an authentic, joyful “Wheeeeeeeeee! YEAH!” will ease my way into settling into that reality.

Goals for 100 Days:
To start a gratitude page for my blog (slated for February 21, 2007), to be added to whenever I choose.

To create a list of goals in various areas of my life (TBA)

To add in morning affirmation writing in addition to reciting*

I feel like I need to add something more to this whole 100 day thing…something powerful. Like more meditation, some painting, some vision board making, some planning…. So I’ll get on that and update when I can.

*And singing them too, I’ll admit. Louise Hay claims that this adds extra energy to the whole thing, and I’ll confirm now that it does! In fact, singing the prayer that I mentioned above is quite powerful.